YuGiOh Morals: The Ant and the Grasshopper
by killah-sama
Summary: [For Her Sweetness] Yuugi and Yami are ants who stock up on food for winter. Seto Kaiba is an insane grasshopper bent on reclaiming his title. It's an old moral fable...except very, very wrong... After all, this is Yugioh we're talking about, right?


**Title:** YuGiOh Morals: The Ant and the Grasshopper  
**Rating:** K+  
**Pairing(s):** None  
**Genre: **Humor  
**Warnings:** Only my stupid humor T-T

**Summary:** (For Her Sweetness) You know how the fable goes: Yuugi and Yami stock up on food for winter, while Seto's too busy thinking up evil ways to regain his title to do the same. Winter comes, and the CEO is foodless, choosing to go to them for help. What do Yami and Yuugi do to help? Kick him out and laugh in his face.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Fack by Eminem, or the fable, The Ant and the Grasshopper.

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**YuGiOh Morals: The Ant and the Grasshopper**

There was once an ant and a grasshopper. The ant began to store up food for winter, while the grasshopper did…nothing. Winter came, and the grasshopper had still done nothing. In the end, the grasshopper nearly starved to death. But instead, the ant, feeling sorry for his friend, gave him some food and invited him into his home.

The moral? It is best to prepare for the days of necessity.

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One day, in Yuugi's body, Yami was eating a banana in the school hallway, because bananas are cool, and Yami liked to eat cool things. He looked down at his watch and gasped. "My!" he exclaimed. "It's five o'clock! Exactly eight days, twenty-three hours, five minutes, and one second until winter! I've got to stock up on food."

>Why would you need to stock up on food?> Yuugi asked. >Even if it were winter, we could just hop into Grampa's Rolls Royce and drive to the store. Oh, wait…none of us could reach the pedals… Ah well, we always have my mountain bike! Wait…the seat's permanently too high… Well, I've got my tricycle in the garage. We could go to the store on that.>

"Never!" Yami proclaimed out loud, dropping his banana and simultaneously receiving odd looks from random passersby. "I, the Pharaoh shall _never_ be degraded like that! Humph! …Going to the store…on a _tricycle _of all things… No. Instead, we will stock up on perishable food that we don't know will be expired the very next day and stick them in the basement where the furnace will most likely spoil all the food. Then we will have an unlimited supply for the entire winter!"

>But Yami, we're in the middle of autumn.>

"No we're not-" Yami's head whipped towards the window, where all the maple leaves were royal colors of gold, orange, red, and brown. "Oh…we are… Well, I'm the Pharaoh and I say it's winter!"

Suddenly, everyone standing in the hallway yelled out "Happy Winter!" and began making dust angels on the dust-covered floor. It was winter. Yay. Wh00t. Whatever…

Yuugi gave a mental sigh and shrug. >Whatever…>

"Now!" Yami cried out. "I will go stock up on food for the winter!" And with that, he ran out the door and into the street.

Seto Kaiba shook his head and sighed. "I swear that guy gets even weirder each day… But I will soon regain my title of King of Games from him! BWUHAHAHAHA!" But he slipped on the banana Yami dropped and messed up the soles of his brand new shoes. But luckily, his gravity-defying trench coat (which was out of uniform, but no one dared to tell him because he owned the school and could fire their arses off) broke his fall and he was practically still standing up.

Meanwhile, a few yards away from the school, Yami was at the gas station (this is why the teachers never show up to tell the kids to shut up and stop playing Duel Monsters: half the time, they get mugged by muggers and the other half, they get high off the fumes and run into the street). They didn't have enough money on them to go to the supermarket, so they decided to shop for the winter at the mini-mart.

>>Yuugi?>> Yami asked, finally using the mental link. >>I can't read any of this kanji. Does that say 'nuclear bomb'?>>

>Of course it doesn't- Oh Kami-sama…it does say that… Um…let's just move along now.>

In the end, Yuugi took control of the body because Yami kept finding more and more weapons of mass destruction, and attempted to smuggle into his basket a bottle of Bakura-No-More Spray, which was oddly on a shelf with an empty Tea-Shut-Up Spray category.

"Let's see…" Yuugi mumbled to himself. "Edible things that will last us through winter… Hmm…"

>>How about that Chap Stick set?>>

>O-O Yami, if we get you some Chap Stick, you have to finish it all, okay?>

>>Sir, yes, sir!>> Yami cried, giving Yuugi a mental salute.

"Okay…we can get some mandarin oranges in gel, brownies, uhm…"

>>Yuugi, you have horrible taste in food. I mean, you just passed the buttered pineapples in a can!>>

Yuugi winced. >Yami, that's disgusting.>

>>Is not! And there- you just passed the sugar-covered beef jerky.>>

Yuugi made a face. >You go get your disgusting food and put it in a basket, and I'll put my normal food in a separate one.>

>>Fine.>>Yami separated from Yuugi, creating a body of his own, complete with a cheap, plastic basket. "Let's do this thing."

Yuugi arched an eyebrow. "Um…okay…" The two went their separate ways, piling their baskets sky high until Yami's canned biscuits and whipped cream reached the lighting systems and he got electrocuted.

"Ouch…" Yuugi flinched as Yami began to glow a flashing yellow color from all the electricity. "Ah well. C'mon Yami."

Yami just lay there, twitching.

"Yami, let's hurry up and get in line."

A quick twitch as smoke sizzled from Yami's leather.

"Erg!" Yuugi rolled his eyes. "Fine, be a lazy bum." He shuffled over to Yami's simmering body and grabbed his basket. He then stood in line to pay for all the junk they stuffed in their bins.

Meanwhile, one the ground where Yami was currently twitching, a saleswoman walked up to him. "Oh dear!" she exclaimed. "I saw the whole thing! Are you all right?"

Gurgle.

"Oh my goodness! Look what the electricity did to your hair! It's all…static-ed now…and pointy… Looks horrible, you know."

Gurgle. Twitch. Faint.

"Oh, it's always been like that," Yuugi supplied, walking over with heavy, plastic bags in his arms.

"Oh!" the woman sqweed. "Your hair is so pretty!"

"Thanks," Yuugi chirped. "Now it's time to go, Yami."

>>Can't you see? I'm bloody unconscious.>>

>Lazy Yami…>

Later on, at the Kame Game Shop, Yuugi was rummaging through Yami's bag. "Nasty…disgusting…rat poison-topped ice cream? …I'm going to…stop looking through this now…"

"Yum!" Yami cried, hopping over and grabbing a carton of the poison-topped ice cream. "Mine," he snapped, growling at a dust bunny.

The dust bunny squeaked and detonated in an explosion of dust.

"Ooooh," Yami said. "Yummy dust-covered, rat poison-topped ice cream."

Yuugi edged away worriedly, vaguely wondering if he should call an ambulance, or invite Ryou, Malik, and their yamis over to watch the show.

The very next day, Yuugi went back to school to find it, and everyone else in the building, leafed-in. He shrugged nonchalantly and walked away, ignoring the screams for help emitting from the building. No one even thought about calling a leaf-blower for their troubles…

Yuugi ambled around town only to find himself at the Kaiba Corp. building. "What am I doing here?" he questioned aloud.

>>'Ell if I know,>> his yami replied. >>Let's go inside and annoy Kaiba.>>

>I don't think that's a very good idea…>

But Yami had already taken control. He blew open the glass doors and thundered into the building. "Rawr! I am Yami no Yuugi! TAKE ME TO KAIBA!"

The secretary shrugged. "Whatever." She pressed a button and spoke into the intercom: "Kaiba-sama, there's a psycho with crazy hair here for you."

"Ambush him with a water balloon filled with...water! That's pefect! Heh, I wonder what his hair'll look like washed out with water… Oh. No, tell the psycho to go away. I'm plotting my revenge!"

The secretary sighed. "Whatever." She turned back to Yami. "Kaiba-sama's busy right now. Beat it, psycho."

"Never!" Yami screamed. He went all psycho on her arse and bounded up the stairs (even though people were leaving the elevator door open for him).

Thirty minutes later, Yami had finally found Seto Kaiba's office…on the top floor of the Kaiba Corporation building complex. Huffing, the dark threw open the doors of Seto's office.

"KAIBA! I am here to bug the ka out of you!" But Yami stopped talking, and his eyes widened with surprise.

Tacked up all over the walls of the room were pictures of Yuugi (and sometimes himself while in control of Yuugi's body)- Yuugi eating ice cream, Yuugi walking into the shop, Yuugi at school, doodling chibi Bakura and chibi Yami poking each other with sticks, Yuugi sleeping…

Odd, suspenseful music filled Yami's head as he neared Seto's desk.

>>Yuugi, stop playing that music,>> Yami demanded.

Yuugi gave a mental pout and shut off his stereo, instead choosing to hum the melody played right before Jaws attacked someone. >Duh nuh, duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh duh nuh dun nuh…>

Rolling his eyes, Yami finally reached Seto's desk. He grabbed a manila folder off the surface and read its title: Ways To Regain My Title As PWNFUL KING OF PWNFUL GAMES; Part I

"What the fudge monster is this?" Yami wondered aloud.

_Creek…Slam._

"And what the fudge monster was that?"

Yami's head swiveled with a start towards the now shut door. Before it stood Seto Kaiba, in all his coat-tastic glory, with his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What the _HELLO KITTY _are you doing here, Yuugi? I should have you arrested for trespassing on my private property and invading my privacy."

Yami stared at Seto oddly. "You silly goose," he accused angrily. "You're the one stalking my vessel!" He pointed at one particular picture tacked up on the wall. "Why do you have a picture of Yuugi with only a towel around his waist?"

"That's classified information! And stop speaking of yourself in third person…it's kind of creepy…"

Yami flipped through the manila folder nonchalantly, completely ignoring the CEO. "'Send him anonymous hate mail that'll make him sad and forfeit his title to me'?" he quoted. "'Wait 'til he's under an anvil, then scare him really really badly'? Ra, Kaiba, you suck at plotting evil things. Where's the blood and guts?"

Seto's eyes shifted suspiciously, and as discretely as he could (which wasn't very discrete, seeing that Yami was right in front of him), he grabbed a pen and wrote on his palm: 'Throw a bucket of fake blood and guts at him.' Yes, Seto Kaiba was an evil mastermind.

Yami rolled his eyes, then eyed the CEO's office in slight interest. "Why are you not stocked to the roof with food like us?" he asked in genuine curiosity, forgetting all about Seto's stalker-ish nature. "Are you planning to starve yourself during the winter and die? I'll do it for you!" The pharaoh grinned cheekily (Gosh, I can't see Yami smiling cheekily. X.X) and tried to summon a ball of Shadows.

But Yuugi interrupted him, deciding that moment was the best to sing FACK by Eminem. >Oh don't do that. Don't stop. Stop, don't, I don't mean don't stop!>

>>RA, Yuugi! Do NOT sing that song!>> Yami blushed at the way Yuugi imitated the song perfectly.

(/drools/ That's just…just… Mmmm… xDDD  
My gawd, have you heard the song? It's kinda disturbing… xDDD …though not worse than any of the yummy lemons I've read before… xDDD)

Seto arched an eyebrow. "No, Yuugi, I'm not planning on starving myself. O.O"

"Then why aren't you packed to the roof with food?" Yami asked insistently.

"Because I'm busy plotting your downfall! Now begone!" Seto roared, extending his hand dramatically.

Yami just stood there, glaring at Seto. "Well that's a stupid excuse," he decided, crossing his arms. "No one can defeat ME. After all, I am the Pharaoh and I rock."

Seto's eye twitched. Then, in his super duper mind, an extra evil plan formed. "Hey…Yuugi, buddy? Why don't you stand on this X on the floor for a minute?"

>Yami! Don't do it- it's a trap!>

Yami grinned happily and ignored Yuugi's warnings. "Okay then!" He bounded cheerfully over to the X on the ground, standing near Seto.

"You fool! You were a fool to stand on the X! Now feel my wrath!" Cackling evilly, the CEO pulled down on a tassel that wasn't there a second ago.

>You idiot…>

There was a loud sputtering noise, and something fell from the sky.

>Watch out, Yami!>

But Yami was too slow and couldn't dodge the falling object.

"Argh! What the hello kitty?"

The pharaoh was draped in a white banner, its fabric blocking his field of vision.

Seto cackled. "TAKE THAT, YUUGI! I will now reclaim my title as---"

Yami pulled the banner off his head and dropped it on the ground. "What is your problem, Kaiba?"

"Get out," Seto ground out.

"But winter—"

"Get out!" Seto roared, trying to throw the fluffy tassel at Yami. …But alas, it was connected to the wall, and it just swung in the air cheerfully. Hah…not like it would've actually hurt him…

"Fine," Yami snapped back. "But when winter comes, you'll be sorry…" And he started to cackle evilly.

Seto glared at him, then retorted with a sharp, "_You'll _be sorry when you're ripped of your title." Then HE started to laugh evilly.

The two super duelists laughed like crack-addicted chipmunks, causing Yuugi to stare at them oddly.

>Oh Kami…I'm surrounded by psychopaths…>

The hikari shook his head and sighed, separating from Yami's body completely. "Yo, Yami, I'm going down to the arcade. Have fun with Kaiba."

The pharaoh and CEO both ignored him, still laughing maniacally. But soon enough, the two men passed out from loss of oxygen. Yuugi sighed again and stepped over their passed-out bodies, wondering idly if he should beat Jounouchi at the fighting game or the police game first.

…Then came the first day of winter. The Mutous were stocked to the roof with food and never had to leave the house. Yay!

_Knock, knock, KNOCK_

Yuugi wandered over to the door, dodging the dangerously swaying piles of food randomly stacked in the living room. "Hello, there, new friend, what can I do for you- KAIBA?"

There stood Seto Kaiba in the doorway, in his customary gravity-defying trench coat and haughty posture.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"I, Seto Kaiba," Seto said loudly in his routine superiority, "am here to challenge you to a duel!" He stooped lower to Yuugi's level and whispered, "No, not really. I just came here to ask you a favor."

Yuugi arched an eyebrow. "A favor? From me, your arch nemesis?"

Seto straightened up. "A favor?" he said loudly. "I asked for nothing of the sort! Now duel me, you fool!" He stooped down and whispered, "I didn't really mean that, little buddy. Now will you help me?"

Yuugi rolled his eyes. "Come on inside, Kaiba."

"Me? Come inside your little _game shop_? I would do nothing of the sort on ordinary occasion, but today is the day I regain my title as King of Games!"

Yuugi scoffed and opened the door wide enough for Seto to enter, deliberately slamming it shut on the trail of his coat so that he almost fell when he was nearly to the counter.

"So what do you want, Kaiba?" Yuugi was expecting something like having to purposely lose a rigged duel or something, but he surely didn't predict Seto's next words…

"I want your _fooooooooooooood_," Seto bawled, automatically breaking down and crying on the counter.

Yuugi's eyes widened. O-O "What?"

"Fooooooood," Seto moaned.

"Don't you have food, Kaiba?" Yuugi questioned. "You have a mansion, a giant company, and billions of servants. Don't you have any food?" O-O

"No," Seto said sulkily.

"What happened to your mansion?"

"Mokuba blew it down."

"What about your company?"

"Evil chrysanthemums took over it."

"And your servants?"

"They all died."

"Money left over for food?"

"I spent it all on Coat-Gel ™. It helps my trench coats stay nice and gravity-defying." n-n

"Well I suppose we can give you something for Mokuba…but not you. We don't like you." Yuugi smiled brightly.

"Yay! Oh boy!" Seto hopped up and down happily.

>>No,>> Yami said stubbornly. >>I don't want to give my arch nemesis of all time some food just because his brother blew his house down, flowers took over his company, and his servants all suddenly died.>>

>Aw, but Yami, Mokuba needs some food.>

>>Yes, but I want to spite Kaiba through all means necessary.>>

Yami took control and immediately glared at Seto menacingly. "No food for you, Kaiba-boy," he snapped.

"But I want it…" Seto whined. "We have no food for winter because I was too busy scheming of ways to regain my title as King of Games."

"I don't care," Yami growled. He shoved Seto out the door and slammed it in his face. Then he laughed. Yuugi joined him, but it was mostly because the CEO was making funny faces against the glass.

As a conclusion, Seto ended up stealing a pineapple from…/gulp/...Yami's pile of food when he wasn't looking. It turned out to be radioactive because it had rolled into a puddle of gas someone had dripped onto the ground after filling up the tank of their car. Seto died, Mokuba defeated the chrysanthemums by over-watering them, Yami went into a coma after eating seventeen sets of Chap Stick, watered down with acid soda, Gramps tripped and fell unconscious for three hours, and Yuugi was relatively fine.

The moral? If you eat a radioactive pineapple you stole from a 5000-year-old spirit's nasty food pile, you'll die. Oh…and…yeah…don't leave things 'til the last minute and…yeah… But focus on the pineapple thing first. And if you desperately need food, do NOT go to your arch nemesis for food. O-O What about that nice little old lady down the street? She's always got cookies, or candies, or something… Mmmm, I like candy. n-n

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This had no point at all. O.O Wasn't even funny, either. -.- Bleh… Aw well. Review anyway. Oh, and this story is dedicated to Her Sweetness. I'm so glad you love my stupid humor. n-n And I'm really sorry about Dartz Confidential, too. XC Took me long enough to put this up, ne? -.- Like half a year…

Ignore all those lame euphemisms I used. X.X (Fudge monster, Hello Kitty, silly goose, etc…) I wanted to keep this at a K+ rating. XDDD


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